Puzzle piece 1: Desire vs fear
You weigh the pros and cons of scenarios.
You worry a lot.
It is like playing a looped recording.
You can’t snap out of it.
The first step towards a breakthrough is to pause that recording: what lies underneath it?
What is it that drives you in wanting to become a mother?
What exactly are your deepest desires?
On the other hand, why is there resistance?
Where are these desires, doubts and fears actually coming from?
Puzzle piece 3: Loss as part of your story
With each option that you consider there is something to gain but there is also something to lose.
Often this means the loss of a piece of the ideal picture you had always had in your dreams.
What is it that feels like a loss to you that makes it difficult for you to go on?
Or which loss is it that still plays an underlying role (e.g. an earlier miscarriage)?
In order to open yourself to something new, you must first dare to put an end to something else.
That does not mean that you have to push aside the loss. On the contrary. It is a part of your story.
Puzzle piece 2: Everbody on his own place in the bigger picture
Your future familiy will be a ‘system’, al larger whole of people where everbody has his own, right place.
How does everbody compare to each other?
Who (the donor(s) included) gets which place in the system?
Your desire to have a child means an expansion to your original family system.
What influence does the family you grew up in have on your selection process concerning that desire to have a child?
It is very enlightening to look at this!
Puzzle piece 4: Strong self- esteem
You may tend to see yourself rather one-sidedly as the woman who has no (additional) child and maybe no partner, who needs a donor to build a familiy.
But you are so much more than that!
It is important that you make more of yourself and your life.
This is crucial for daring to take the plunge!
There may be feelings of ‘guilt’ or ‘failure’.
Then it is important that you be less hard on yourself.
Puzzle piece 5: What is still missing?
Where is there still resistance that is preventing that decision?
Which questions remain?
What is still lacking?