Your quest for a child
An unfulfilled child wish after the age of forty? As a professionally successful woman (manager/ medical or legal profession/ politician or top civil servant/ expat/ academic/ entrepreneur/…) you did not choose this scenario. Contrary to what others often think.
Life – including your career and perhaps the lack of a partner – has dictated it; it’s a hard nonchoice.
You are currently at a tipping point in your life. You look back and look ahead.
Is this life the way you want it? Is this who you want to be? You now really feel the burning desire: you want to become a mother (again), as a single or part of a couple.
But that is at odds with the harsh reality:
your egg supply is slinking and/or
you have already had several unsuccessful fertility treatments/pregnancy losses
maybe you don’t have a partner or your partner doesn’t want a child
egg donation or/ and sperm donation comes into view, a baby seems to be a huge emotional and practical challenge.
It takes up more and more of you. It gradually undermines your feeling of happiness, but also your self-confidence, your ambitions, the flow in your life.
Research shows that the more successful you are as a woman, the more likely you are not to have a child—and possibly a partner—by midlife (!)
Are you still going for that last chance baby?
Your heart’s desire versus your ratio
You are strong with your head, you can think and analyze well. Light decisions are not for you.
Now you bump into this soul longing for a child. Your head tells you not to do this, but your heart bleeds if you don’t explore this path.
You notice that you can’t make this decision with your head. But listening to your heart? That almost feels unnatural, after all, your head has brought you this far.
But will your child be happy?
You allow yourself a fulfilled life, you are yearning for a child. But of course you also want your future child to feel completely happy and firmly rooted.
This is a heavy responsibility that rests on your shoulders. The critical, analytical thinker in you asks herself countless questions:
Am I not going too far? Am I not selfish? Will my child resent me later? How will I ever explain this to my child?
It feels like a scary leap of faith.
Your time and energy are worth their weight in gold
Scrolling through Google and social media for hours, looking for information and experiences? Asking advice from other intended moms you don’t know in Facebook groups?
Honestly, you’re not up for it. Not time efficient – you are busy enough – and not result-oriented.
What you want is an expert who walks with you, unburdens you and saves you valuable time and energy. That would make it feel a lot lighter.
Good news, soon you can have someone like that by your side.
I took the plunge and made an appointment with a fertility clinic.
I kept waiting and waiting to fulfill my childwish. I am single and was wondering if I could handle this, especially in combination wit a busy job with irregular working hours. Moreover, I am strongly inclined to rationalize and to try to get things under control. Therefore I got completely stuck.
Throughout the coaching programma I learned to connect with my emotions and my desire. It got me out of my rational circle of thoughts. It helped met a lot that someone was guiding me in this and dared to ask me ‘hard’ questions,
Step by step, I let go of my inclination to take control. First in small things, but I’ll get there.
I dared to talk to my parents about my childwish and their supporting roll in this. This was a big and crucial step.
At the end of the coaching programme, I took the plunge and contacted a fertility clinic.
I wouldn’t have succeeded yet without the programme.